UFYB 202: Self-Worth, Dating, Rejection & Love:
A Conversation with Clara Artschwager
UnF*ck Your Brain with Kara Loewentheil
And there’s various reasons for that. Obviously, there’s the romantic
comedy element of our society, there’s this socialization. But also for those
of us, when you are in that place where you’re desperate to find somebody,
of course, you’re just like, yeah, I want to know instantly and maybe if I feel
this familiarity or this comfort, that means something.
You’re always looking for clues that it’s over and you’ve solved the puzzle.
And I think what you hear is the opposite sounds so depressing because
when you’re in that headspace, when people are like, take your time, you
don’t always know right away, what you hear is like, oh, I should go out with
people I don’t like? Or I should settle for someone I’m not into?
And actually, I feel like only the past year or so that I’ve come to
understand like, no, as always, when you're in a crazy mindset, what you
think is the other option isn’t really what anybody’s saying. It’s actually this
third version that’s like, it’s not about okay, settle for people you don’t like,
but it’s about having more patience with the process of getting to know
someone and not always selecting for people who, like you, have no
boundaries, have an immediate…
When you’re in that space, somebody else who also wants to tell you all of
their - where you have that instant whatever. And I’m not saying that
doesn’t - sure, you totally meet people who have been married for 60 years
and knew the first day.
But it’s like, I think the thing - it’s almost like dating sobriety. I’m like, the
most astounding thing to me about dating sobriety is the difference
between how much I used to assume that I knew someone and understood
our relationship and understood how the whole thing was going to work and
all of that, versus now where I’m like, I barely know this person, I’ve only
known them for six weeks or two months, which is true. You don’t really
know a person yet.