Divorce and Remarriage in the Church

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It is the responsibility of the Church to provide biblical, redemptive assistance to members who are struggling

with a variety of divorce and re-marital issues. Below is our current best thinking concerning biblical grounds for

divorce and biblical grounds for remarriage.

Permissible Grounds For Divorce"

Once all avenues for biblically based reconciliation have been exhausted, when is it permissible for a

couple to divorce? Several marital scenarios have been isolated as grounds for divorce. In all scenarios, it

is assumed that the believer is actively engaged in pastoral counsel here in the Vineyard.

Sexual Immorality:"

In Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:1-12, the continual, unrepentant practice of sexual immorality

(“porneia” = fornication, homosexuality, child molestation, bestiality, and other deviant sexual

behavior) on the part of a spouse can be grounds for divorce.

Desertion"

Based upon 1 Corinthians 7:15, if an unbelieving spouse no longer desires to live with the spouse (a

believer), then divorce is permissible. If the unbeliever wants to remain married, the believer cannot

divorce."

We judge that it is not God’s will to have a man or woman “remain in limbo” forever if his/her

unbelieving spouse will not push for a divorce, yet is not actively engaging in the marriage for a very

extended length of time (timetable not defined, discretion of pastor). Below are listed some possible

scenarios concerning desertion.

Physical Desertion By An Unbeliever:"

This is the clearest rendering of 1 Cor. 7:15. The believing spouse cannot force his/her spouse to

remain in the marriage. If the unbeliever physically leaves (not emotional or psychological

desertion), the believer is permitted to divorce.

Physical Desertion By A Believer:"

If, for example, a “Christian” husband physically deserts his wife in a significant fashion, and

resists all exhortations to restore the marriage, we would deem him an unbelieving man who

has deserted his wife. Divorce could result.

Pre-conversion Marriage and Divorce:"

A marriage, which was entered into before conversion to Christ, and a subsequent divorce, is not

required to be restored once conversion takes place. 2 Cor. 5:17 tells us that in Christ we are a “ new

creation, old things have passed away, all things have become new.” Divorcing someone is no more

a sin than any other sin we commit outside of Christ. Our responsibility to this couple is to

encourage them to consider a reconciliatory path, but not to insist on it.

Physical Abuse (Sanctity of Life):"

We judge that no spouse is called by God to live in danger of physical abuse by the other spouse. Nor

is a child called to live under the threat of physical harm. If a spouse resists all exhortations for

counsel and repentance, the oﬀended spouse may divorce. Along with actual incidence of physical

violence, other potentially dangerous scenarios would include drug dealing and alcoholism.

Hardness of Heart (Matthew 19:8):"

Hardness of heart, as it touches divorce, addresses a marriage which is characterized by extreme,

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persistent brokenness, yet is a marriage which does not conform to one of the permissible grounds

of divorce described above."

In 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 we read, “Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not

to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled

to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.” Paul reflects God’s will in that divorce

should not take place between two whom He has joined for a lifetime. Then Paul adds, “but if she

departs” she is to remain single unless the two be reconciled. Paul is saying there is room in God’s

greater redemptive plan for a spouse to leave his/her marriage as a final, unavoidable option. The

decision of a couple to cease their continually destructive marriage is to do so because one or both

have demonstrated persistent, unrepentant hardness of heart. As we consider God’s redemptive

heart, we judge that there are those few marriages which are so broken that it is a lesser of two evils

for that couple to divorce. Indications of “hardness” might include the failure of long-term multiple

session counseling, severe emotional consequences for children and/or the couple, and a loss of

faith that this marriage can be restored. This instance of divorce is a rare and tragic option.

II.

Remarriage

Now that permissible grounds for divorce have been considered, it is important to address the issue

of remarriage in the Church. It is a tragedy every time a divorce occurs (especially in the Lord), but

there are only a few marital in which the Vineyard can bless a person’s remarriage. In all cases we

would require:

Radical self honesty and repentance regarding the causes of the previous divorce

Restored relationship with God and with the Church

Remarital counseling

The fulfillment of all legal obligations

A two-year healing process is suggested before remarriage is considered.

The circumstances in which remarriage is permissible are listed below.

Sexual Immorality:"

To the oﬀended party, there is the permission for remarriage. To the one who has committed

“porneia” there must be proof that fruit unto repentance has taken place for an extended period

of time before remarriage could be permitted.

Desertion:"

If an unbelieving spouse physically departs, then the believing spouse is free to remarry. In the

event that a believing spouse departs, the oﬀended spouse may remarry, but the one who

departs may only remarry aer demonstrating a consistently changed lifestyle (provided his/her

spouse has already remarried).

Pre-conversion Marriage and Divorce:"

Because “old things have passed away, all things have become new” in Christ, persons desiring

to remarry now that they are in the Lord can be candidates for remarriage.

Physical Abuse (Sanctity of Life):"

As with sexual immorality, the oﬀended spouse may remarry. The oﬀender can only remarry

aer repentance and sustained demonstration of a changed life takes place.

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Hardness of Heart:"

While we have judged that a divorce, which stems from hardness of heart may, in its extreme,

constitute the most merciful course of action between two people, this ground for divorce is not

permissible grounds for remarriage. The only course that can be encouraged by the pastoral

staﬀ is that the divorced couple pursues a reconciliatory path. Paul is clear at this point as he

states, “let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.” It is only in the death of the

former spouse that he/she may remarry.

[Adapted from: Duluth Vineyard Church, Duluth, MN]

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