The Moral Justification of Punishment.
Knowledge and Understanding – 68
Research and Evidence – 65
You demonstrated very good understanding of the
key issues and theories. Your explanations were clear,
and you covered most of the key points relating to
both consequentialism and deontology. Well done!.
On the other hand, there were some points that
needed further clarification. For example, you did
not explain the important difference between
normative and descriptive ethics and this led to
certain misconceptions. Kant did not advocate the
suffering of an offender as the main aim of
retribution, although making the offender suffer may
appear to be the key aim of punishment in
descriptive forms of retribution. In the future try to
double check the sources that you are using and be
punctual with all of your explanations (which were
the case for the most part of the essay).
You used many sources from the handbook and also
conducted some external research. Well done. Try to
be consistent with referencing all of your sources
correctly. For instance, in one of your arguments
against retribution you referred to malicious
satisfaction as one of its negative corollaries. This was
argued by Nietzsche who you did not reference
while developing this argument. Also there were
some references that you could have added while
criticizing retribution (e.g. Murphy 1988-retributive
hatred).
Developing an Argument – 67
You had a clear main argument which you
developed nicely by reaching a conclusion that
came as a result of your critique of retribution (which
was very good), and by advocating utilitarianism.
You also had a clear opening where you stated the
aim of the paper and your main argument.
Moreover, you used most of your references in
relation to developing an argument, and not merely
for writing a report style essay which is what we want
to avoid. Overall, I felt that the essay had a sense of
purpose. Well done!! As a rule of thumb always ask
two questions after referring to a source, or finishing a
paragraph. Why did I write this paragraph? And how
does it help in the development of my main
argument?
Your critique of retribution was very good indeed, and
served the purpose of developing your main argument. On
the other hand, your evaluation was quite one-sided since
your negative remarks focused mainly on retribution and
not on utilitarianism. In this way, you did not refer to, and did
not respond to any relevant counterarguments. For
example, Kant argued that ‘justice would cease to be
justice’ if we apply consequentialist principles in the practise
of punishment. How would you respond to this remark?
Therefore, in the future you have to identify counter
arguments and respond to them. This will improve your
evaluation, and also strengthen your own argument. It is
important that you give equal weight in presenting both
arguments and counter arguments. This can be done by
employing a personal dialectic. You could have imagined
that you support retribution instead of utilitarianism in this
essay. How would the retributivist persuade the utilitarian
and vice versa?
Structure and Presentation – 69
Your structure and writing flow were very good. Your
paper was succinct, organised, and easy to read.
Well done. Moreover, you used many linking phrases
and transition words. Most of your paragraphs were
written succinctly and with a sense of purpose.
You used many academic expressions and verbiage.
Well done. Your vocabulary can certainly be
enriched, therefore I would advise you to read
academic material, and learn new ways of
expressing your views. Keep in mind that language
facilitates thought, and the more you enrich your
vocabulary the better you are going to be in terms of
expressing your thoughts clearly and concisely.
Overall Comments (participation, effort, resilience)
This was a very good effort especially given that you are currently in year 9 You took the challenge and
produced a really good paper. You have been attentive and diligent during the whole course and a pleasure
to work with. Well done. As I told all of you during the draft tutorial one of the most important things in being a
good university student is acting on feedback. Therefore, please take these feedback remarks into
consideration, and try to apply them in the future.